28 Comments

Thank you Tom, although you have written the article that I have been thinking about. My discontent stemmed from forever reading stuff that told me what to do. Why can't I just be? I wonder, why do I have to be better, stronger, fitter etc.? However I still haven't been able to answer the question of what else there is to talk about.

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Show, not tell. Except when you’re writing about telling other people not to tell.

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Again, you reveal things to me that i am subconsciously aware of - you make the subconscious conscious. I'm not "on" Twitter any longer so likely don't see a lot of what you are talking about, but I have definitely noticed that in essays - a sort of "wrap it all up with vague advice" as if people are afraid of the vague, or think that their piece has "no purpose" without a "takeaway." Either way, it rubs me the wrong way - thanks for giving language to my feeling.

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Could do with some similes, this.

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Giving advice, even when solicited, can ruin relationships. For any advice to be useful, it implies some sort of change in the person being given the advice. It is almost inevitable that such advice will eventually be taken the wrong way. Defensiveness and hurt feelings follow. Best avoided.

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POSTSCRIPT: A friend said to me, "Can I give you a piece of advice about your Substack Elder Mentor?" I agreed. She said that the title of the substack did not reflect the content of it. She was absolutely right. The content had gone in a different direction than I initially envisioned. So, I changed the title. Perhaps this type of advice-giving (feedback) is beneficial. And note that she asked me if I wanted the advice before offering it.

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NOTHING BUT QUESTIONS: If I describe what I did to accomplish "X" (or how what I did failed), is that a form of advice? I am not telling anyone to do something or saying that it is the right (or wrong) way, but in saying that this worked (or didn't work) for me, am I not suggesting that this might work (or fail) for you too? Does that constitute advice?

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This piece resonates. I remember getting some editing help on a draft awhile back and someone said something to the effect of “maybe you can end the piece with the lessons you learned from this experience and how they might apply to others.” I quickly snapped back with, “Yeah, I’m not going to do that.” The point was that I wanted people to *feel* a certain way after reading, which I think has more of an impact than vapid “takeaways”.

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There is a particularly annoying take that I'm starting to notice where a Twitter user will schedule a series of Tweets, often repeating at least twice daily, most of which are relatively benign "advice" but accompanied with some humblebrags and 1 - 2 "I was right when everyone else said I was wrong and I made $$$ or €€€ or £££" boasts. I mean, I know hustling and self-promotion can be necessary - it's a crowded Internet - but that approach doesn't win me over. In fact, it makes me less likely to trust them.

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