My most memorable lunches were with my Dad, when he was incarcerated in the hospital after a major heart attack. The doctors knew he would go back to over-doing if they let him out of their sight, so he had to stay longer than the typical patient. Fortunately, we worked for the same company (in the same building, even!) in those days and that building was just a few miles from the hospital. So every day when the official lunch-period started I got in my car, and over to the hospital I went. For the next few hours, my Dad (who was feeling better and bored as all get out) regaled me with stories from his childhood and youth, while trying to get me to eat as much of his hospital lunch as he could force on me. He was a terrific storyteller: evocative, discursive and often hilarious. I am the third of ten children, so you can only imagine how much I prized that very rare one-on-one time. I heard more of my Dad's stories than most of the rest of my siblings (and Mom) put together. And I spent more time just with him that I had during my entire childhood. What a privilege it was... something I will never, ever forget. To their everlasting credit, my bosses (some of whom had worked with my Dad for 25 years) never said a word when I wandered back to my desk at 3:00.
Appreciate that Carter, and thanks for taking the time to stop buy and leave a comment. The best thing about this whole project so far has been the comments section. I don’t know if it’s a case of like attracting like or what but the depth, insight, quality and soul of everyone’s responses has been amazing and uplifting. And I’m sure it makes for a much better experience for all of the readers as well as myself. A real community is brewing here.
Glad you enjoyed it. I’ve manually added you to the list. You should see the next issue in your inbox at 4pm GMT on Sunday. If for some reason you don’t, leave a reply to this message and we’ll sort it out.
Welcome to the fold. Delighted to have you on board.
I haven't realized how far removed I am from the well done lunch until reading this and subsequently understanding its importance. To tell you the truth, I've gotten used to eating alone. It's time to go back to the 3 Cs.
Don’t beat yourself up regarding letting proper lunch slip. It’s *very* common, a lot of forces are geared against you having that proper leisurely lunch.
A cynic would say that having this lunch time would get you to start dreaming and reflecting and pondering about your situation and life path. And this is not good for business, not good for GDP.
That being said, if you do end up having to have a hurried lunch alone (it happens), I recommend you have a copy of either The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker or Momo by Michael Ende on you. Reading them will keep you in the right frame of mind.
I especially liked the line “Crap lunch can be ended”. Lunch in a school staffroom is an interesting beast. People come and go according to their playground duties, whether or not they want to eat somewhere else, etc. It's an Adventist school, and typically we have several big staff luncheons/dinners per year. Sometimes on our pupil-free days lunch takes a while. I do appreciate it.
It’s interesting to see how this talk of lunch is resonating. Probably because such a simple, everyday things is both universal and generally unattended to. Too often people’s lunches consist of having a sandwich in one hand and their phone in the other.
But as you say, when people tune in to lunch it has a way of taking far long as people actually savour the food, the company and indeed life in general.
These little moments need to be sought out and grasped with two hands. If there is a message to these newsletters that is it.
Card carrying member of the minority who have heard of the word commensality here, and I was somewhat startled when I saw it here. The topic of my final year project for my CS degree (basically a thesis) was the impact of Human Computer Interaction on Commensality.
I ended up spending months researching the topic, and re-progamming a robot kids toy to fulfil the role of an eating companion, then attempting to use that robot to influence the food choices of our participants (quite successfully). Edited versions of the paper have now been published twice in scientific journals, indicating that either I am as brilliant as I always imagined myself to be (Law of attraction?) or the topic is an incredibly relevant one in 2020 (much more likely).
Researching for the project showed me exactly how dire our dining habits have become, with the vast majority of the younger demographic preferring to eat their meals in the company of Netflix, Youtube or an iPhone instead of other people. I'm 24, and it's insane to me how many of my friends do this, some even sitting with eachother in front of a tv or laptop to watch something while they eat. I'm old enough to remember there being a stigma about eating in front of the TV, but that seems to be a thing of the past.
This is worrying and somewhat sad, of course, but our project was aimed at solving the problem of providing companionship for those who have a desire for dining companions, but had no means of doing so - the elderly, those who had recently moved abroad, or those who simply struggled socially and had no friends or family they were close enough to.
It's a tough one. There's a part of me, the part that feels as though sex robots may very well mean the end of civilization, that feels as though developing robot companions like these may well push us further apart and break us apart into even more insular, individual units, lacking any sense of community.
Then there's the other part of me that feels as though technology could be used here to solve a very real problem, that current trends in society indicate won't be solved by itself - based on the research I did for the project it's only getting worse. Given my conflicted feelings about it, I naturally am headed far away from any research fields.
Anyway, somewhat lengthy personal story aside, loved the article. There are few things more pleasurable than posting up in a cafe in a busy part of the city either alone or with friends and spending the afternoon eating, drinking coffee and just existing, without really caring about time or work, or any of that other nonsense we spend so much time worrying about.
It’s not a competition but this comment is gonna take some beating. It’s better than most blogposts/newsletters. I don’t know if you have a site or a place that you write but I would strongly advice you look into it if not (and this is something that I don’t say to a lot of people)
But to your point: I suspect that advancement in technology, especially robotics will make the lack of commensality and community problem worse. I remember reading a chapter in one of Sherry Turkles book regarding Japanese robot nurses and it was genuinely upsetting to read of the poor elderly who were robbed of human consolation in their closing hours.
I believe there is still so much in this world that is (or should be) beyond automation and optimisation. This is another theme that I feel is developing here if you take these newsletters as a whole.
Technology is not becoming more humanlike, humans are becoming more machine-like.
And with these little quotidian piece I hope to remind the readers of what ordinary human experience are like and why they matter.
Hence the name ‘Commonplace’
Thanks again, Conor. Always a pleasure to hear from you.
You're too kind, but cheers all the same. Glad to hear I've helped in some way, I'll be sure to keep commenting.
Honestly, it's the article that stimulates the thoughts, so by the time I've finished reading I already know what I'm going to say, which is a testament to your writing.
You painted a picture of exactly what we need most these days and in these times. TO slow down, simply enjoy being present, even when alone. I have scheduled a lunch this coming week with 2 friends, we will make it long, relaxed and luxurious. Thank you for this!
It’s my pleasure Chief, and it’s great to hear from you. I trust your own Substack foray is going well?
As I hinted at elsewhere I think ‘hustle culture’ is leading people down the wrong path as it is being applied with zero nuance or perspective. Even in terms of productivity we paradoxically get more done when we go slower.
But that’s kind of beside the point. Life is for the living. Hope you and your friends have a lunch for the ages. If keeping this newsletter in mind makes it even 5% more enjoyable I’ll feel as if I’ve done some good here today.
Thanks for getting in touch, Chief, and I hope I’ll be seeing you around these parts again.
Your best so far. imo, then. Loved the wisdom behind the concepts. How lunch is like freedom and a mindset. And the, breaking free from rat race. Then cigars and champagne, nibbas its what i would do. And I resonated with the breakdown of what a proper lunch is. Basically, practically, boiled down by being a bloody tourist. When I travel I have all the fun in the world, eating at all kinds of places, and even tip. Where I'm from I don't do this usually, but sometimes with a cigar in hand, and journal in place, i try weirdass drinks, reminding me of my practices on travel. The breakdown of proper lunch made me realize I've never broken down precisely why travel is so much more fun. Being free it is. hooa.
Fury! Great to see you here, mate. I thought this one would appeal to you. From what I’ve seen of your photos and posts, you’re someone who gets the concept of doing lunch right. People who’ve travelled a lot often do.
As I say, we have to be more on holiday in our own lives. When away we try different foods and drinks, we do the kind of things we would never ‘normally’ do. But there is nothing stopping us having this exact same mentality at home. It’s simple a decision.
For example, my current method when dining out is to order whatever is the hardest or most fun to pronounce. Breaks up the routine and you end up with a weirdass dish you would never have touched otherwise.
I really enjoy that you focus so much of your writing on living as a human being rather than as a human doing. I know I've got a lot of progress to make on that front. Regardless, thank you for your writing and enhancement of my vocabulary.
Thanks for that Robert, it means a lot to hear those kind words.
We’ve all got progress to make on becoming more fully human because there are a lot of forces and ideas working against this.
Increasingly, I realise that the good life as myself and the ancients conceive it (walks, conversations, naps, creativity, working at your own pace and on and on) does not make you a good consumer. And sadly the world and its economies are geared around everyone being a good consumer.
Hence the propaganda of work and striving without higher vision or personal purpose. I’m not exactly a revolutionary (it seems too much like hard work haha) but I hope I can have at least some mild effect in making people get off the hedonic treadmill and maybe, just maybe, become a little bit more contented and at peace.
Thanks for getting in touch and hopefully I’ll be hearing from in future editions.
Thomas, your newsletter is great. So is its format and its writing. Where do you get such thinkpieces from? I already subscribed it around a month ago. I am very much impressed with the two or three issues I received until now. I have a query, Just as every other creator you have every right to monetize your creation and your writing. Even so do you plan to post daily for premium and keep the Sunday format regular?(just a suggestion). Last but not the least can you tell about people such as you whose work I should check out?
The ideas for these pieces comes from a combination of walking, reading and conversation. I let that stimuli percolate and then write the newsletter in one go whenever I have a chunk of time free. Thee is usually very little editing involved.
Regarding monetisation- I *will* do that at some point but have no plans to at present. I think the idea of daily writing would see a huge drop off in quality and so wouldn’t be a good move (like I said I need time to ruminate on things).
Maybe I could up the number of newsletters from ~4 to ~6 per month and have 2-3 of them be accessible for premium users only. That way it is more than worth paying the small fee for and the people on the free sign-up would still get 3 newsletters per month.
I’ll give it some thought and get back to you. I won’t make any changes until 2021 though.
I’m reluctant to recommend twitter accounts to anyone as I’m walking away from that site and hope that I can encourage other people to follow suit. That being said if you are already on there, the following people are friends of mine who are on the same wavelength as these newsletters, so to speak.
I endorse:
@NielsKnK
@BGZeroTwoOne
@JamieMcSloy
@vitabenes
@UberBoyo
@Hooafury
@LionCubPhD
And in regard to books that are influential to this endeavour, I would say check out:
The Importance of Living- Lin Yutang
How To Be Idle- Tom Hodgkinson
The Age Of Absurdity/ Embrace The Ordinary- Michael Foley
Definitely had to look up commensality. Proper lunches have definitely been missing in my own life lately which makes me a little sad. Thank you for the reminder to slow down and to be kind even to oneself with lunching well.
Thanks for taking the time to get in touch, George.
The whole theme that is emerging through these newsletters so far (and my life in general as I progress through my 30’s) is to slow down, appreciate ordinary pleasures and experiences and treat yourself with respect.
I tire of self-flagellation, chest-pumping exceptionalism and the other unrealistic bromides that you hear from ‘creators’ and ‘thinkers’ who spend way too much time online and way too little time going for walks, having real life conservations and generally just experiencing life as it is.
I hope that I can be a corrective and give people a little clarity, and indeed hope.
Yes, leave plenty of space in your day. Allow more than enough time to get somewhere and delays and traffic do not stress you out. Allow plenty of time to eat lunch and you may actually learn something from the experience and the conversation.
More haste less speed, as people used to say before they had imbibed the hustle culture work ethic busy-bee mentality.
Do less= be more. Go slower= arrive faster. It’s all paradox. Which is what makes life interesting.
My most memorable lunches were with my Dad, when he was incarcerated in the hospital after a major heart attack. The doctors knew he would go back to over-doing if they let him out of their sight, so he had to stay longer than the typical patient. Fortunately, we worked for the same company (in the same building, even!) in those days and that building was just a few miles from the hospital. So every day when the official lunch-period started I got in my car, and over to the hospital I went. For the next few hours, my Dad (who was feeling better and bored as all get out) regaled me with stories from his childhood and youth, while trying to get me to eat as much of his hospital lunch as he could force on me. He was a terrific storyteller: evocative, discursive and often hilarious. I am the third of ten children, so you can only imagine how much I prized that very rare one-on-one time. I heard more of my Dad's stories than most of the rest of my siblings (and Mom) put together. And I spent more time just with him that I had during my entire childhood. What a privilege it was... something I will never, ever forget. To their everlasting credit, my bosses (some of whom had worked with my Dad for 25 years) never said a word when I wandered back to my desk at 3:00.
Love this! The line "Like Edward Hopper paintings but with iPhones and worse clothes" is the best thing I've read all week. Subscribed :)
Appreciate that Carter, and thanks for taking the time to stop buy and leave a comment. The best thing about this whole project so far has been the comments section. I don’t know if it’s a case of like attracting like or what but the depth, insight, quality and soul of everyone’s responses has been amazing and uplifting. And I’m sure it makes for a much better experience for all of the readers as well as myself. A real community is brewing here.
Hope to hear from you again soon.
Tom.
Loved reading this. How do I subscribe to your newsletter on my email id: marcomrubix@gmail.com
Glad you enjoyed it. I’ve manually added you to the list. You should see the next issue in your inbox at 4pm GMT on Sunday. If for some reason you don’t, leave a reply to this message and we’ll sort it out.
Welcome to the fold. Delighted to have you on board.
Tom.
I haven't realized how far removed I am from the well done lunch until reading this and subsequently understanding its importance. To tell you the truth, I've gotten used to eating alone. It's time to go back to the 3 Cs.
Thanks for stopping by HOV.
Don’t beat yourself up regarding letting proper lunch slip. It’s *very* common, a lot of forces are geared against you having that proper leisurely lunch.
A cynic would say that having this lunch time would get you to start dreaming and reflecting and pondering about your situation and life path. And this is not good for business, not good for GDP.
That being said, if you do end up having to have a hurried lunch alone (it happens), I recommend you have a copy of either The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker or Momo by Michael Ende on you. Reading them will keep you in the right frame of mind.
Hope to hear from you again, HOV.
Tom.
I especially liked the line “Crap lunch can be ended”. Lunch in a school staffroom is an interesting beast. People come and go according to their playground duties, whether or not they want to eat somewhere else, etc. It's an Adventist school, and typically we have several big staff luncheons/dinners per year. Sometimes on our pupil-free days lunch takes a while. I do appreciate it.
Thanks for getting in touch, Caleb.
It’s interesting to see how this talk of lunch is resonating. Probably because such a simple, everyday things is both universal and generally unattended to. Too often people’s lunches consist of having a sandwich in one hand and their phone in the other.
But as you say, when people tune in to lunch it has a way of taking far long as people actually savour the food, the company and indeed life in general.
These little moments need to be sought out and grasped with two hands. If there is a message to these newsletters that is it.
Hope to hear from you again, Caleb.
Tom.
Card carrying member of the minority who have heard of the word commensality here, and I was somewhat startled when I saw it here. The topic of my final year project for my CS degree (basically a thesis) was the impact of Human Computer Interaction on Commensality.
I ended up spending months researching the topic, and re-progamming a robot kids toy to fulfil the role of an eating companion, then attempting to use that robot to influence the food choices of our participants (quite successfully). Edited versions of the paper have now been published twice in scientific journals, indicating that either I am as brilliant as I always imagined myself to be (Law of attraction?) or the topic is an incredibly relevant one in 2020 (much more likely).
Researching for the project showed me exactly how dire our dining habits have become, with the vast majority of the younger demographic preferring to eat their meals in the company of Netflix, Youtube or an iPhone instead of other people. I'm 24, and it's insane to me how many of my friends do this, some even sitting with eachother in front of a tv or laptop to watch something while they eat. I'm old enough to remember there being a stigma about eating in front of the TV, but that seems to be a thing of the past.
This is worrying and somewhat sad, of course, but our project was aimed at solving the problem of providing companionship for those who have a desire for dining companions, but had no means of doing so - the elderly, those who had recently moved abroad, or those who simply struggled socially and had no friends or family they were close enough to.
It's a tough one. There's a part of me, the part that feels as though sex robots may very well mean the end of civilization, that feels as though developing robot companions like these may well push us further apart and break us apart into even more insular, individual units, lacking any sense of community.
Then there's the other part of me that feels as though technology could be used here to solve a very real problem, that current trends in society indicate won't be solved by itself - based on the research I did for the project it's only getting worse. Given my conflicted feelings about it, I naturally am headed far away from any research fields.
Anyway, somewhat lengthy personal story aside, loved the article. There are few things more pleasurable than posting up in a cafe in a busy part of the city either alone or with friends and spending the afternoon eating, drinking coffee and just existing, without really caring about time or work, or any of that other nonsense we spend so much time worrying about.
Looking forward to the next one, of course.
Hello again, Conor. Wonderful to have you here.
It’s not a competition but this comment is gonna take some beating. It’s better than most blogposts/newsletters. I don’t know if you have a site or a place that you write but I would strongly advice you look into it if not (and this is something that I don’t say to a lot of people)
But to your point: I suspect that advancement in technology, especially robotics will make the lack of commensality and community problem worse. I remember reading a chapter in one of Sherry Turkles book regarding Japanese robot nurses and it was genuinely upsetting to read of the poor elderly who were robbed of human consolation in their closing hours.
I believe there is still so much in this world that is (or should be) beyond automation and optimisation. This is another theme that I feel is developing here if you take these newsletters as a whole.
Technology is not becoming more humanlike, humans are becoming more machine-like.
And with these little quotidian piece I hope to remind the readers of what ordinary human experience are like and why they matter.
Hence the name ‘Commonplace’
Thanks again, Conor. Always a pleasure to hear from you.
Tom.
Thank you for the endorsement, that means a lot Tom. Pleasure as always.
You’re more than welcome. Comments are important because they let you know when you’re hitting and when you’re missing. Metrics are fairly useless.
The interaction also generates further ideas.
And your comments have been consistently thought-provoking, helpful, insightful and kind.
It’s really appreciated, mate.
You're too kind, but cheers all the same. Glad to hear I've helped in some way, I'll be sure to keep commenting.
Honestly, it's the article that stimulates the thoughts, so by the time I've finished reading I already know what I'm going to say, which is a testament to your writing.
Ideas begetting ideas. A virtuous circle as writer becomes reader and reader becomes writer.
^That last sentence is pretty on the nose and flowery, but this is my comment section so I don’t care.
Thanks again, Conor.
You painted a picture of exactly what we need most these days and in these times. TO slow down, simply enjoy being present, even when alone. I have scheduled a lunch this coming week with 2 friends, we will make it long, relaxed and luxurious. Thank you for this!
It’s my pleasure Chief, and it’s great to hear from you. I trust your own Substack foray is going well?
As I hinted at elsewhere I think ‘hustle culture’ is leading people down the wrong path as it is being applied with zero nuance or perspective. Even in terms of productivity we paradoxically get more done when we go slower.
But that’s kind of beside the point. Life is for the living. Hope you and your friends have a lunch for the ages. If keeping this newsletter in mind makes it even 5% more enjoyable I’ll feel as if I’ve done some good here today.
Thanks for getting in touch, Chief, and I hope I’ll be seeing you around these parts again.
Tom.
Your best so far. imo, then. Loved the wisdom behind the concepts. How lunch is like freedom and a mindset. And the, breaking free from rat race. Then cigars and champagne, nibbas its what i would do. And I resonated with the breakdown of what a proper lunch is. Basically, practically, boiled down by being a bloody tourist. When I travel I have all the fun in the world, eating at all kinds of places, and even tip. Where I'm from I don't do this usually, but sometimes with a cigar in hand, and journal in place, i try weirdass drinks, reminding me of my practices on travel. The breakdown of proper lunch made me realize I've never broken down precisely why travel is so much more fun. Being free it is. hooa.
Fury! Great to see you here, mate. I thought this one would appeal to you. From what I’ve seen of your photos and posts, you’re someone who gets the concept of doing lunch right. People who’ve travelled a lot often do.
As I say, we have to be more on holiday in our own lives. When away we try different foods and drinks, we do the kind of things we would never ‘normally’ do. But there is nothing stopping us having this exact same mentality at home. It’s simple a decision.
For example, my current method when dining out is to order whatever is the hardest or most fun to pronounce. Breaks up the routine and you end up with a weirdass dish you would never have touched otherwise.
Pleasure to here from you, Fury.
HOOA.
Tom.
I really enjoy that you focus so much of your writing on living as a human being rather than as a human doing. I know I've got a lot of progress to make on that front. Regardless, thank you for your writing and enhancement of my vocabulary.
Thanks for that Robert, it means a lot to hear those kind words.
We’ve all got progress to make on becoming more fully human because there are a lot of forces and ideas working against this.
Increasingly, I realise that the good life as myself and the ancients conceive it (walks, conversations, naps, creativity, working at your own pace and on and on) does not make you a good consumer. And sadly the world and its economies are geared around everyone being a good consumer.
Hence the propaganda of work and striving without higher vision or personal purpose. I’m not exactly a revolutionary (it seems too much like hard work haha) but I hope I can have at least some mild effect in making people get off the hedonic treadmill and maybe, just maybe, become a little bit more contented and at peace.
Thanks for getting in touch and hopefully I’ll be hearing from in future editions.
Tom.
Thomas, your newsletter is great. So is its format and its writing. Where do you get such thinkpieces from? I already subscribed it around a month ago. I am very much impressed with the two or three issues I received until now. I have a query, Just as every other creator you have every right to monetize your creation and your writing. Even so do you plan to post daily for premium and keep the Sunday format regular?(just a suggestion). Last but not the least can you tell about people such as you whose work I should check out?
That’s very kind of you to say Nishant.
The ideas for these pieces comes from a combination of walking, reading and conversation. I let that stimuli percolate and then write the newsletter in one go whenever I have a chunk of time free. Thee is usually very little editing involved.
Regarding monetisation- I *will* do that at some point but have no plans to at present. I think the idea of daily writing would see a huge drop off in quality and so wouldn’t be a good move (like I said I need time to ruminate on things).
Maybe I could up the number of newsletters from ~4 to ~6 per month and have 2-3 of them be accessible for premium users only. That way it is more than worth paying the small fee for and the people on the free sign-up would still get 3 newsletters per month.
I’ll give it some thought and get back to you. I won’t make any changes until 2021 though.
Thanks for taking the time to get in touch.
Tom.
Thank you for responding, Thomas. What you say is right. Can you suggest a handful people such as you whose work I should check ?
I’m reluctant to recommend twitter accounts to anyone as I’m walking away from that site and hope that I can encourage other people to follow suit. That being said if you are already on there, the following people are friends of mine who are on the same wavelength as these newsletters, so to speak.
I endorse:
@NielsKnK
@BGZeroTwoOne
@JamieMcSloy
@vitabenes
@UberBoyo
@Hooafury
@LionCubPhD
And in regard to books that are influential to this endeavour, I would say check out:
The Importance of Living- Lin Yutang
How To Be Idle- Tom Hodgkinson
The Age Of Absurdity/ Embrace The Ordinary- Michael Foley
Idle Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow- Jerome K Jerome
Complete Essays- Montaigne
Hope that gives you some stuff to dig in to.
Thanks again for getting in touch.
Tom.
Definitely had to look up commensality. Proper lunches have definitely been missing in my own life lately which makes me a little sad. Thank you for the reminder to slow down and to be kind even to oneself with lunching well.
Thanks for taking the time to get in touch, George.
The whole theme that is emerging through these newsletters so far (and my life in general as I progress through my 30’s) is to slow down, appreciate ordinary pleasures and experiences and treat yourself with respect.
I tire of self-flagellation, chest-pumping exceptionalism and the other unrealistic bromides that you hear from ‘creators’ and ‘thinkers’ who spend way too much time online and way too little time going for walks, having real life conservations and generally just experiencing life as it is.
I hope that I can be a corrective and give people a little clarity, and indeed hope.
Hopefully I’ll be seeing you around here again,
Tom.
Yes, leave plenty of space in your day. Allow more than enough time to get somewhere and delays and traffic do not stress you out. Allow plenty of time to eat lunch and you may actually learn something from the experience and the conversation.
More haste less speed, as people used to say before they had imbibed the hustle culture work ethic busy-bee mentality.
Do less= be more. Go slower= arrive faster. It’s all paradox. Which is what makes life interesting.