“How stupid it is to feign world-weariness when you are too young and green to have seen even an iota of the world to be wearied by. And yet the pose persists, in many old enough to know better.”
Completely agree with you, and I fell into that same trap, smoking, brooding wearing boots and black from head to toe. Standing in the corner against the wall with my friends, looking around to see if any girls have noticed how cool I am yet. Funny enough, they never did.
“Pessimism is the adolescents attempt at appearing to be grown up, as if the death of wonder, rather than it’s preservation in the face of the odds, is what constitutes maturity.”
Beautifully put. I saw a chap on twitter decry all self-help books and stoic manuals in favour of just doing whatever you wanted to do as a kid growing up. What did you think was cool, what got you excited - then go and do that. Makes a lot of sense really. I think a large part of happiness lies within having enough hobbies, because most people have no idea how to enjoy themselves. Fun is drinking with friends (nothing wrong with that) or watching tv (not ideal).
Over the course of these two quarantines I’ve watched my sister mope around the house, immune to any and all suggestions that what she needs is a hobby, or to read a decent book. Despite the ever expanding library, guitars and a piano to choose from she proceeds to watch 12 hour reruns of Friends and then complain that she’s feeling down. Shocker.
Seeing that natural inborn curiosity drained out of her is unfortunate, but you know how it goes with horses and water, she’ll pull herself out of it eventually. “See, you have a life in which you can feel despair and disappointment and boredom and hope and mild amusement and everything else in the spectrum of human experience. If you are reading this you are alive. The glass exists.”
Gratitude and happiness are inextricably linked. Focusing on the things in your life you’re grateful for (including the existence of said life and the ability to express gratitude) will make your life brighter. One of my most important practices could be called a sort of non-denominational prayer of sorts. Before bed, I set aside 5-15 minutes to practice:
- Forgiveness: forgiving myself, everyone, everything, for things I didn’t do, and things I did, both from the day just gone, and anything from the further past that’s loafing about in my brain. - Gratitude: Again, for life, for friends, family, acquaintances I’m out of touch with, everyone, and all of the little things I enjoy doing each day, even people I’ve never met like yourself. - Wishing well: I go through the same people that I’m grateful for and I wish them well, for their success, their happiness, their fulfilment in life, all of it. It really allows me to put a cap on each day, and means I go to bed with peace of mind, and it also means that I wake up each morning in a good mood.
“If you can move you can be moved. (Pessimism is the deadening of feelings. Optimism, then, is the ability to be moved by things). And if you can be moved you can move others.”
I love this, being naturally on the optimistic side of things, I’d like to win more people to my side. This article will help with my persuasion.
Great article Tom, clearly written from experience and great amounts of thought on the subject. All the best,
As you said, pessimism is often nothing more than an immune reaction from our system. It is the old sour grapes fable; if I can't have it/make it, then it is probably useless/a lie. This is a comforting stance because then, everything is solved... but nothing is solved, isn't it? Your mind does not speak to you indeed, you speak to your mind and then your mind starts speaking back to you like a well-taught parrot. I think this is very common in young adults because (apart from our growing hormones) there is so much that we don't understand and so little we have a grip on, that this is just one way to hold it all together. But once the mind has found an apparently efficient system, it's very hard to discard it or "update" the software. So something that should have stayed a child's cope becomes a way of living. And the more we use it, the more we dress it with nice clothes and ornaments and we see it as wisdom because we can't face the fact that this is just weakness in disguise. In a way, pessimism is a courtesy that cowardice does to courage.
If I may, I think there is a pretty good "third way". And as usual, it is to be found in the (real) wisdom of the past. The ancient Greeks used to think that the gods (or "fate", later on) were ruling their lives. But that didn't mean they weren't trying to create and conquer. They believed in a form of fatalism: doing everything in your power to live well and honour the gods by your deeds, but ultimately accepting that your fate will be decided by these same gods. A modern translation would be to act as if you were destined to make whatever-you-want-to-accomplish happen, but eventually accept defeat by telling yourself that maybe this was not your destiny, and that maybe there is still something good that you did along the way that you have to find back and work upon. I agree this is a bit sanctimonious and "easy" to say, but really, is there an other way to live?
“How stupid it is to feign world-weariness when you are too young and green to have seen even an iota of the world to be wearied by. And yet the pose persists, in many old enough to know better.”
Completely agree with you, and I fell into that same trap, smoking, brooding wearing boots and black from head to toe. Standing in the corner against the wall with my friends, looking around to see if any girls have noticed how cool I am yet. Funny enough, they never did.
“Pessimism is the adolescents attempt at appearing to be grown up, as if the death of wonder, rather than it’s preservation in the face of the odds, is what constitutes maturity.”
Beautifully put. I saw a chap on twitter decry all self-help books and stoic manuals in favour of just doing whatever you wanted to do as a kid growing up. What did you think was cool, what got you excited - then go and do that. Makes a lot of sense really. I think a large part of happiness lies within having enough hobbies, because most people have no idea how to enjoy themselves. Fun is drinking with friends (nothing wrong with that) or watching tv (not ideal).
Over the course of these two quarantines I’ve watched my sister mope around the house, immune to any and all suggestions that what she needs is a hobby, or to read a decent book. Despite the ever expanding library, guitars and a piano to choose from she proceeds to watch 12 hour reruns of Friends and then complain that she’s feeling down. Shocker.
Seeing that natural inborn curiosity drained out of her is unfortunate, but you know how it goes with horses and water, she’ll pull herself out of it eventually. “See, you have a life in which you can feel despair and disappointment and boredom and hope and mild amusement and everything else in the spectrum of human experience. If you are reading this you are alive. The glass exists.”
Gratitude and happiness are inextricably linked. Focusing on the things in your life you’re grateful for (including the existence of said life and the ability to express gratitude) will make your life brighter. One of my most important practices could be called a sort of non-denominational prayer of sorts. Before bed, I set aside 5-15 minutes to practice:
- Forgiveness: forgiving myself, everyone, everything, for things I didn’t do, and things I did, both from the day just gone, and anything from the further past that’s loafing about in my brain. - Gratitude: Again, for life, for friends, family, acquaintances I’m out of touch with, everyone, and all of the little things I enjoy doing each day, even people I’ve never met like yourself. - Wishing well: I go through the same people that I’m grateful for and I wish them well, for their success, their happiness, their fulfilment in life, all of it. It really allows me to put a cap on each day, and means I go to bed with peace of mind, and it also means that I wake up each morning in a good mood.
“If you can move you can be moved. (Pessimism is the deadening of feelings. Optimism, then, is the ability to be moved by things). And if you can be moved you can move others.”
I love this, being naturally on the optimistic side of things, I’d like to win more people to my side. This article will help with my persuasion.
Great article Tom, clearly written from experience and great amounts of thought on the subject. All the best,
Conor
As you said, pessimism is often nothing more than an immune reaction from our system. It is the old sour grapes fable; if I can't have it/make it, then it is probably useless/a lie. This is a comforting stance because then, everything is solved... but nothing is solved, isn't it? Your mind does not speak to you indeed, you speak to your mind and then your mind starts speaking back to you like a well-taught parrot. I think this is very common in young adults because (apart from our growing hormones) there is so much that we don't understand and so little we have a grip on, that this is just one way to hold it all together. But once the mind has found an apparently efficient system, it's very hard to discard it or "update" the software. So something that should have stayed a child's cope becomes a way of living. And the more we use it, the more we dress it with nice clothes and ornaments and we see it as wisdom because we can't face the fact that this is just weakness in disguise. In a way, pessimism is a courtesy that cowardice does to courage.
If I may, I think there is a pretty good "third way". And as usual, it is to be found in the (real) wisdom of the past. The ancient Greeks used to think that the gods (or "fate", later on) were ruling their lives. But that didn't mean they weren't trying to create and conquer. They believed in a form of fatalism: doing everything in your power to live well and honour the gods by your deeds, but ultimately accepting that your fate will be decided by these same gods. A modern translation would be to act as if you were destined to make whatever-you-want-to-accomplish happen, but eventually accept defeat by telling yourself that maybe this was not your destiny, and that maybe there is still something good that you did along the way that you have to find back and work upon. I agree this is a bit sanctimonious and "easy" to say, but really, is there an other way to live?
Always a pleasure Thomas, see you next time.
I'll keep it simple. Very well said. I'll be passing this along to the teenager in my house.
"The aim of journalism is for it to be read. The aim of literature is for it to be re-read." Perfect after being inundated with news cycles all week.
Well done again today Thomas. Cheers.
This letter resonates with the feelings, I have been grateful for feeling. It feels like a warm envelope of reaffirmation. Thankyou for this 🌼
Perfect read for me after a tough night. Thank you, Tom.