"A life can ever truly be mislived... If we die with deep regrets." This is your brilliant bottom line for me. I adore your digging for the root of the word "success" & it's perversion into a discrimination aligned with "self-worth." Success becoming an "it" to have or have not which defines one's Identity as valuable, or not. Such a messed up misconception - illegitimately conceived. I truly appreciate your work. It profoundly impacts my thoughts & feelings. I've been hungering after an illegitimate object & found myself on a hamster wheel. After the recent deaths of both my parents & a number of friends my age, deep regrets echo in my spirit. Now that doesn't mean I am misliving my life presently, gratefully. This wonderful writing affirms my present trajectory. This is a tribute to people like you & art... In whatever form it takes: writing, sculpting, dancing, etc. Art is able to awaken life, not success. Therefore, life is truly meant to be lived through the lens of love. Without love, regrets breed. As a result, perhaps life is truly lived without meaning. Life isn't a void, it becomes a vessel filled with meaninglessness - regrets that can haunt & destroy the rest of one's life. That's a scary thought.
There's fear and shame and guilt but they're overshadowed by regret.
I spent months in one of those places, a rehab/retirement place, hoping to restore my father (it didn't take but we did get him home and I helped care for him in his final unfair hard year). I remember the misery of others who weren't coming back home. I felt awful for some sweet human beings, who were no different than you, me, or anyone who reads your words, in and outside the STSC, who were spending their days there.
I felt shame for every moment of self-deception about what used to "matter" which I allowed myself before that time, and was grateful to leave it behind. If anyone wondered how or why I do what I do now, I would ask them, if you had the opportunity to have the b.s. stripped away over a few months, would you be any different? Wouldn't you chase after eliminating and avoiding regret too?
Love this essay. Pursuing conventional success paths led me to become miserable enough that I would often walk through my apartment door and burst into tears. I had to make changes and learn to balance between the conventional and unconventional, build a ladder I could live with, in essence.
“ A life can only ever be truly mislived and can ever truly be a failure, if we die with deep regrets, if you die thinking that you totally blew it. ”
Too bad so many people go through life chasing after what won’t matter in the end. Money and accomplishments are important but not the end all in life.
I found this really interesting. In my field, there are 'gurus' who are always on the move, earning thousands in speaking fees, and I look at them and think: they never see their loved ones, they're always in a different hotel room (which all look the same no matter where in the world you happen to be), and they're probably knackered all the time. It's a strange definition of success.
I remember on Dragons Den once, Peter Jones visited the founder of Pimlico Plumbers, who has his own swimming pool etc. Jones was trying to get him to scale up his business so that there would be lots of Pimlico Plumbers all over the place, and the reply was something along the lines of "Why? I've got enough; there's only one of me!". Peter Jones was completely flummoxed!
Also, what you said about end of life. I recall once offering to stay behind at work until whatever time they threw me out in order to get something finished, and my line manager said to me "Terry, nobody on their deathbed ever said they wished they'd spent more time in the office. Go home!" So true!
Love this -- "in the end it all comes down to who we have helped along the way and the relationships we have built rather than the trophies we have gained."
"A life can ever truly be mislived... If we die with deep regrets." This is your brilliant bottom line for me. I adore your digging for the root of the word "success" & it's perversion into a discrimination aligned with "self-worth." Success becoming an "it" to have or have not which defines one's Identity as valuable, or not. Such a messed up misconception - illegitimately conceived. I truly appreciate your work. It profoundly impacts my thoughts & feelings. I've been hungering after an illegitimate object & found myself on a hamster wheel. After the recent deaths of both my parents & a number of friends my age, deep regrets echo in my spirit. Now that doesn't mean I am misliving my life presently, gratefully. This wonderful writing affirms my present trajectory. This is a tribute to people like you & art... In whatever form it takes: writing, sculpting, dancing, etc. Art is able to awaken life, not success. Therefore, life is truly meant to be lived through the lens of love. Without love, regrets breed. As a result, perhaps life is truly lived without meaning. Life isn't a void, it becomes a vessel filled with meaninglessness - regrets that can haunt & destroy the rest of one's life. That's a scary thought.
Tom, truer words were never written.
There's fear and shame and guilt but they're overshadowed by regret.
I spent months in one of those places, a rehab/retirement place, hoping to restore my father (it didn't take but we did get him home and I helped care for him in his final unfair hard year). I remember the misery of others who weren't coming back home. I felt awful for some sweet human beings, who were no different than you, me, or anyone who reads your words, in and outside the STSC, who were spending their days there.
I felt shame for every moment of self-deception about what used to "matter" which I allowed myself before that time, and was grateful to leave it behind. If anyone wondered how or why I do what I do now, I would ask them, if you had the opportunity to have the b.s. stripped away over a few months, would you be any different? Wouldn't you chase after eliminating and avoiding regret too?
Again, great words.
Love this essay. Pursuing conventional success paths led me to become miserable enough that I would often walk through my apartment door and burst into tears. I had to make changes and learn to balance between the conventional and unconventional, build a ladder I could live with, in essence.
beautifully written
“ A life can only ever be truly mislived and can ever truly be a failure, if we die with deep regrets, if you die thinking that you totally blew it. ”
Too bad so many people go through life chasing after what won’t matter in the end. Money and accomplishments are important but not the end all in life.
I found this really interesting. In my field, there are 'gurus' who are always on the move, earning thousands in speaking fees, and I look at them and think: they never see their loved ones, they're always in a different hotel room (which all look the same no matter where in the world you happen to be), and they're probably knackered all the time. It's a strange definition of success.
I remember on Dragons Den once, Peter Jones visited the founder of Pimlico Plumbers, who has his own swimming pool etc. Jones was trying to get him to scale up his business so that there would be lots of Pimlico Plumbers all over the place, and the reply was something along the lines of "Why? I've got enough; there's only one of me!". Peter Jones was completely flummoxed!
Also, what you said about end of life. I recall once offering to stay behind at work until whatever time they threw me out in order to get something finished, and my line manager said to me "Terry, nobody on their deathbed ever said they wished they'd spent more time in the office. Go home!" So true!
Love this -- "in the end it all comes down to who we have helped along the way and the relationships we have built rather than the trophies we have gained."